Tantric sex isn’t just about twisting yourself into crazy sex positions or endless orgasms. Tantra is a spiritual practice that is thousands of years old and often deeply misunderstood in the West. Read on and learn how you can master the basics of sacred sex.
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What is tantra?
Tantra is a study and practice derived from ancient Hindu and Buddhist scriptures written in India between 3,000 to 5,000 years ago.
In the West, tantra tends to conjure associations with marathon sex sessions, or endless orgasms — however the essence of this practice is not strictly sexual in nature.
Tantra was primarily a practice of spiritual awakening or union with the divine. The original tantra practices were focused on attaining enlightenment through meditation, ritual, and mantra. Sacred sex was just one means of achieving this state of unity or one-ness.
The word “tantra” comes from the Sanskrit term “to weave” implying a union of opposites: the masculine with the feminine, the earthly with the divine, and the mundane with the transcendent.
At its core, this sacred study is a practice of liberation and spiritual awakening achieved through embodiment. Unlike meditation, which is a practice of disembodiment, tantra celebrates the body and carnal pleasures as a means to empowerment and freedom.
What is tantric sex?
Tantric sex focuses on the balancing of the masculine and feminine energies. It is believed that in order to achieve and sustain sexual spark or chemistry in a partnership, these tantric energies must be in balance. This is entirely independent of gender due to the fact that we all possess masculine and feminine energies within us.
Tantric sex is more about subtle energetics than it is about the stimulation of various erogenous zones. It involves the slow and meditative use of breath, attention and awareness in order to direct energy throughout the body.
How can I have tantric sex?
You can practice tantric sex without twisting yourself into mind-boggling tantric sex positions. Starting out with tantra might feel daunting, but the foundational techniques are actually quite simple, and can be practiced first solo before doing them with a partner.
Set the space
When we feel relaxed, creativity and passion can flow. Creating a safe and soothing environment is therefore vital for getting us into a headspace where we can let our inhibitions go.
Turn off your devices, light a candle, make an altar — do whatever rituals help you feel calm.
You can also try to set yourself an intention for the practice. Write it down or say it aloud a few times to help it sink in.
Try mirror work
Gazing into our own eyes in a mirror can be a very deep practice for cultivating self-love and acceptance.
Push through the initial awkwardness, and keep an open mind. As you gaze into your own eyes, you might want to repeat your intention.
Some other positive affirmations might include:
“I love you.”
“I’m here for you.”
“Even though ___, I still love, accept, and forgive you.”
Eventually, you can level up, and gaze into a partner’s eyes — allowing yourself to be fully seen.
Do some deep belly breathing
Most of the breathing we do tends to be shallow and in the chest. Instead, practice breathing deep into your belly.
Take time to let your belly expand with every inhale. Gradually, this will help your energy to drop down into your lower body and genitals.
The more you can breathe energy into this part of the body, the more space and expansion you can generate there.
Try 10-30 rounds of this deep belly breathing, and notice what comes up.
Connect to your heart
Place your left hand on your heart and your right hand on your lower abdomen. Feel the beating of your own heart and send energy, light, compassion, and care to the area. We tend to carry so much tension in the heart space. Allow it to soften with every breath.
Eventually you might want to practice this heart meditation with a partner by placing your right hand on your partner’s heart, so they can place their right hand on your heart. Each person’s left hand then covers the hand of their own heart.
Harmonize your breathing, and create a circuit of energy between you. Do this for 10-30 rounds of deep belly breathing.
What are some tantric sex positions?
The yab-yum position is the most classic tantric sex position and can even be practiced with your clothes on.
The base partner (representing the masculine energy) sits cross legged on the floor or a pillow, while the other partner (representing the feminine energy) sits fully in their lap.
The base partner’s arms should wrap around the other partner’s waist, while the other partner’s arms should go around the shoulders of the base partner. Foreheads can be touching, or you can be cheek to cheek.
Once comfortably in the position, allow your breathing to harmonize and remain upright so that the energy can flow from the base of your spines up toward the crowns of your heads.
What is a tantric orgasm?
Orgasms in tantra come in many forms — long lasting, full body, multiple, or even non-ejaculatory!
The difference with sacred sex is the emphasis that it places on the orgasm. The objective of spiritual sex is not about racing to the finish line of an orgasm — but rather to go slow and savour in the pleasure, intimacy, and presence of the moment.
The bottom line
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